Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
