My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is my gift to your gina
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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