i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
