hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
