i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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