The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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