i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
