i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
that is very illegal...i love you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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