i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
