you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
