he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
