Screwed.edu
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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