Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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