My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
