matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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