Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
