I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
