They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
