Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
