hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Terrible idea I love it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
