I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this just has baby written all over it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
