Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize