Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
