i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
