i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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