So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
