$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
