if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
