dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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