How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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