You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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