I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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