Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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