I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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