wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
