Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
