I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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