I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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