it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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