New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
