Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
