I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
