I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
