New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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