Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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