It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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