I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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