we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
