Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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