Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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