The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
