It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
