I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
