i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
