Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
