idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
