Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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