found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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