ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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