when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
