Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
