Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
try to milk me bitch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
