You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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